welcome
to yoururl.blogspot.com
be my escape- relient k
I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.
I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.
I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.
I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Title:
Comments:
Disclaimer: The author claims no responsibility for the contents of the following entry. This entry was written in a fit of cynical anger about everything and nothing in particular.
Well. This was by far, the fastest that I've gotten over an issue of such Huge proportion. No, it doesn't mean that I'm no longer depressed and upset over it or that I don't treasure their friendships anymore. (them being the two people in question today) Quite on the contrary, as a matter of fact. But it's just that there are people out there who've made me realised something else
A sign of maturity?
I think not. Actually, I tend to think that I'm much too drained, physically and mentally, to spend much effort and time on such issues. I mean, till now, 3 hours after the main event and the subsequent phonecalls, I still don't understand it. Could it be that my level of comprehension is That low? -shrugs. Whatever it is, I'm no longer going to spend all my time apologising for something that I did not do. I used to think that apologising would make things easier for all parties involved but I've learnt that people tend to take that as an admission to guilt.
I think people who actually read this pathetic excuse of a blog are pretty much clueless about what's going on. But to all you nice (and some not-so-nice) folks out there, join the club. Is it a suprise to you guys that I don't have much clue about many of the things that's been wrecking havoc on MY life?
But drumroll please, it's true. Absolutely 100% true.
To think that all I wanted when I got to jc was a nice and peaceful life spent in pursit of everything I loved. -shakes head. Instead, the reality was much uglier. But I guess it's true what people say, you can't have your cake and eat it too. All along, I was wrong. I was wrong in thinking that maybe I could have a little bit of what everyone else around me was having, success and friendships at the same time. Guess what I've learnt? IT'S NOT TRUE. wake up to the real world, ladies and gentlemen. Where the good gets their asses shot off and the bad gets to snub their noses at the rest of the world.
Oh wait. Maybe it's ME. Maybe my perception of good and bad is wrong. Maybe good people are those who say something but do something else. Maybe good people are those who make snide remarks at others whilst pretending to be the very definition of a good friend. Maybe good people are those who take pleasure in other people's heartache. Maybe it's those who would do ANYTHING to get something.
I don't want to be cynical, and I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect. I do shit like that sometimes unconsciously, but at least I make an effort not to do them consciously. I make a serious effort to repay the faith that others have shown on me, make an effort to not be the people that I dislike. I make an effort to keep the confidence others have shown in me. I make an effort to keep quiet about certain things that I know, so as not to create waves or be hypocritical or watsoever. Believe or not, there are things that I would never repeat to Anyone else. But somehow, everything gets fucked. Someone says something and everyone else presumes you're the guilty party. THE ONLY guilty party when we all know fully well how everyone loves to spice things up. The most mundane of conversation carefully constructed into lies of immense attractiveness. Everyone does it, so why is it that we believe every single thing that we've been told. WHAT are our brains used for if not to judge right and wrong.
I really want to believe in justice. I really want to believe in the fairytales weaved about the good gets rewarded while the bad gets punished. But all I see around me, is the very definitions of hypocrites and "bad' people leading the blissful lives that everyone else wishes they could have. No one ever blames them, no one ever suspects it's them.
For everyone else, we just get to, once in a while, amuse them by playing the unwilling fools. Entertainment for the moment in time until the wind chooses to grace our presence and blow it all away. And then, we lie in wait, for that next time when we get to have our hearts broken and trust stolen all over again.
My heart yearns to believe what the eyes simply cannot see, what the brain knows doesn't exist. Someone, anyone, please tell me I'm wrong.
